Mildon Makeover: Holiday Hangover

I came home from School to find my wife and kids all cuddled up on the chair. Mindy is the best mom and wife a guy could ask for.

Kaiser'isms

"My poop smells like garlic."

"My head is sick and my bum is sick."

"Remember on Saturday when I was getting a granola bar and I leaked pee-pee?"

When I asked him where he got the gum he was chewing (which I knew he had stolen from my room), "Um, um, um in the wrapper."

"Eliza, want me to punch you in the face or not?" Said in his everyday darling voice. They weren't fighting or anything.

While brushing teeth Eliza said she would open wide like an alligator. Kaiser says, "I will open wide like a potato bug."

Kaiser, let's go change your diaper, "It's not my fault!"

While coloring with Dale, Kai scribbled something that looked like his name and he said, "I know my letters!"

Upon seeing her chap stick in the garbage....
Eliza: "Kaiser, did you put my make-up in the trash?"
Kai: "No."
Eliza: "Well then who did?"
Kai: "Mama."
Now he's blaming me too!

"Na, na, get me!"

"Kaiser, are you poopy? "No. Just fine." Kaiser, would you like some milk? "No. Just fine." Kaiser, wanna read a book? "No. Just fine." All in his sweet little grown-up voice :)

Dancing a little jig he sings, "Everybody dance now."

When he doesn't want to do or eat something he says, "I don't like it. Too spicy!"

He loves the song, "Baby" by Justin Bieber and often changes the words but sings the song such as, "Pickle, pickle, pickle OH."

After making a huge mess I asked why he did it. He replied, "I didn't. Eliza did it." Already blaming his sister?!

Whenever he sees an old man, "Hey look. A grandpa."

Peering through the fence at the zoo, "Mom, come here. I found something." ME: "What did you find?" Kai: "I don't know."

Eliza'isms

"That's crazy that Jesus made a blue crayon that really colors green." (Crayola's "blue green" crayon)

I got a really cute pedicure with some funky flowers and Eliza said, "I know what is on your toes. It's grass & corn dogs."

"Mom, dad wiped the table off for you so you don't have to do all the jobs."

As we were talking about the seasons I told the kiddos that another name for Fall is Autumn. Eliza says, "Ooh, like Autumn and Eve."

After applying tons of eye shadow to her eyebrows, "Jesus gave us eyes & eyebrows. And our necks so we can lift our heads to the sky."

Driving down the road and Eliza randomly says, "If you are with your mom & dad and the rest of your family and you get lost it is called "lostness."

Dale to Eliza: "Why did you kick me?" Eliza: "To see if you were alive."

Upon waking suddenly from a short car nap, "Hey! Dale & potato. Those rhyme!"

Out of the blue while peeling her orange, "When we get old we go to the hospital and then we die and Heavenly Father makes us all better."

While drinking her smoothie (which I didn't blend very well), Eliza says, "I eat the bumps and drink the flats."

"Hey, do you remember the part on Gangnam Style when he sits on the toilet? That's funny."

When Eliza saw our Hawaii pictures of the ocean she asked if we swam there. When I told her that we did she gave me a big hug and said, "Oh, I am so proud of you!"

I had Kai's clothes laid out to get him dressed and Eliza grabbed them threw them in his bed and said, "You're too late! You will never get baby's clothes now! HA HA HA!"

I was going over some homework with Dale and Eliza was on my lap. I said to her, "Wow, Eliza, Dale is really smart." She immediately replied, "And he's stinky."

I called Eliza a turkey and she said, "I'm not a turkey, I'm a chicken."

I walked into the room to find Eliza had Kai in a headlock on the floor. When I asked her what was going on she said, "We're just hugging."

About Kai, "He's my boy. I like to pet him like a horse."

"I'm growing bigger like a giraffe."

"I'm not in trouble, I'm just a little girl."

I bumped my head and when I said, "ouch!" Eliza said, "Mom, are you ok? I will smile really big (which she did). There. Do you feel better now?"

Today Eliza told her friend, "My daddy goes to work and my mommy goes to Zumba."

Eliza was holding Kai but he just wanted to crawl so I told her to let him go and she said, "No. He's my special boy."

"Daddy, let's hold hands and dance on the floor."

Eliza was walking on woodchips and she said, "I'm walking on wood. They are woodchipmunks."

Walking on the curb. "Mom, can you do this with your big feet? I can do it with my little feet."

This one is an oldie. She was 18 months old at the time...After brushing crumbs off of her she said, "Thanks for brushing me off mom. I feel better."

I love my daddy so so much. He is my favorite."

Grabbing my chest she said, "Mom, I like your boobs. Do you like my boobs?"

"Hey mom, wanna smell my stinky bum?"

As I was getting ready for the day Eliza asked what I was doing and I told her I was fixing my hair. She got a concerned look on her face and replied, "oh, it's broken?"

At a Family Reunion, Eliza asked "where is Grace? I want to kick her" Mindy said, "you shouldn't kick Grace". Eliza asked, "kick Max?".

"No, Eliza. You don't kick people". To which she asked, "Kick worms?"

I said to Eliza "I Love You", she replied, "I Love Me Too"

At the grocery store they were out of milk. Eliza said, "Someone took it. A friend took it."

When Mindy told Eliza that they were going to the grocery store, she said, "Buy Chocolate?" Really? She's only 1 and already starting with the Chocolate cravings?

One day when Eliza pointed at the fridge and said "chocolate milk", Mindy explained that the chocolate milk is all gone, to which she replied, "Buy some"

When I was going to the bathroom, Eliza handed me a piece of toilet paper and said, "Wipe Bum"

Eliza had her sippy cup full of milk outside with her in the snow. She put some snow on the top and "Look, Snow-Milk"